nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize