I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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