So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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