i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Houston, we have a blender
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
