I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
two words: eviction party
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
