You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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