the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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