We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
my liver is dry heaving
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
