We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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