fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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