By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
