I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
high people should be assigned attendants
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
