he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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