More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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