did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This baby is an asshole
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
