What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
