Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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