I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
