My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
