she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
