we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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