Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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