forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
