so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
