this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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