Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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