we have pet lesbian snakes
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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