One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im holly from the hills drunk
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
