Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize