Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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