Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
