you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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