So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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