you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
