3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
