Porn is love you can see.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
