I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
