i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
