Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
