i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
