i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
