No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
COCAINE IS GR8
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
