We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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