I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
