I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
