she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
