i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
