I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
