My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
