Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize