Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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