UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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