Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
