Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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