I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
