I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i wish my penis had a tongue
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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