Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
