careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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