he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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