yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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