How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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