My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
