this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
