My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
