Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Randomize
