Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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