I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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