you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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