Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
