dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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