if i can run in heels then i can drive
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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