OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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