I hate all girls vehemently.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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