LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
