I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
