we made out on top of his cat.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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