Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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