Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Randomize
