I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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