What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
