Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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