Hey man sorry I got all grabby
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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