tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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