I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
