Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
