you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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