Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
