Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
