i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize