hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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