so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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