I wish I could punch you in the face.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
