The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
