saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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