On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
