I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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