Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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