Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize