were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
