my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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