Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize
