He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
