Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
