Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
