Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
