Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
