woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize