That's intense
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
