I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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