I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
