So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
